Have you ever faced a problem and in your head it was just so huge that all you did was ignore it in hope that it would go away?
Well, I’ve done that. I have done that with so many things, not just problems. I have dealt with anger, with hope that it would just go away.
When someone hurts you, sometimes anger start to build inside your heart. All you can think of is what that person did intentionally or not intentionally to hurt you. You’re constantly reminded of how discarded you felt and how little that person made you feel. Anger is all you feel towards that person, and you just ignore what you’re feeling and hope that it goes away.
And yes, God is capable of just removing that anger, but in my case he didn’t just do it that easy. Instead he brought me through a little road called “Forgiveness.”
I am still on that road.
But as much as I prayed and followed everything I had recently wrote in this blog: Forgiveness— The Power of Prayer
It just seemed as if God wanted to take me in another direction this time. It has always worked for me when someone hurts me, I just pray for them and slowly I start feeling relieved and forgiveness just comes to me. I guess this time, It was a little difficult for me to just forgive this person. The hurt wasn’t just on the surface, it was a little more deep.
So God took me in another direction, in a learning direction.
As I am walking through this very narrow road, I am learning so many things.
I have learned that I am a lot more valuable that what I think I am or how that person made me feel. I have learned that I can’t blame everything that happens on myself, saying that what happened was because I allowed it to. I have learned that I have to be able to trust God in order to be able to let go of the anger I have and forgive the one who hurt me. I have learned that I have to face my fear and not be scared to think about what happened in order to be able to understand that one day it’ll be part of my past and I will be able to learn from it.
Through this process, I have learned that forgiveness is not a feeling, its a choice. Everyday I have to wake up and remind myself that I will forgive in order to be able to let go of this anger. It’s not just going to go away, it’ll take time.
But my main point is that, it’s okay to feel the way you do. There are times when I want to yell and say the words “I hate you” to that person. Especially since I never got the opportunity to tell them how much they hurt me and express what I was feeling.
I know hate is such a strong word and harmful in so many ways, but I just sit and talk to God and let him know what I am feeling towards that person, so that he can remind me that he is holding me and I can let go of it.
If you constantly wake up and remind yourself that everything will be okay, that you will be able to get to the point where you fully forgive, you will slowly start to feel that anger leaving you. Some days will be easier that others, but at the end you’ll be glad that you are making the choice to forgive.
Your joy will come back and you’ll start to recuperate your strength. But you have to face what you’re feeling in order for it to go away.